Download E-books President Me: The America That's in My Head PDF

By Adam Carolla

Imagine an international the place New York Times bestselling writer, comic, actor, tv, and podcast host Adam Carolla is the President of the USA. Can’t do it? You don’t need to! Adam has performed it for you!

Podcast king Adam Carolla first shared his certain, yet consistently humorous global view in his New York Times bestseller In Fifty Years We’ll All Be Chicks—but he’s now not done.

In President Me, Carolla stocks his imaginative and prescient for a unique, greater the USA loose from mammoth concerns like tremendous executive all the way down to small difficulties like lodge alarm clock placement. working on an anti-narcissism platform, President Carolla demands a go back to the values of an prior time whilst stew and casserole have been on each dinner desk and there have been no “service canines” on airplanes. President Me hits correct on the center of what makes our state particularly demanding, and provides a plan to make all of our lives, yet regularly Adam’s, a lot better.

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That’s why, as my Secretary of fatherland safeguard, I nominate Patriots trainer invoice Belichick. He’s basically an exceptional supervisor, can imagine on his toes, and has adventure secretly taping and reading his enemy’s styles. i'll have long gone with any NFL trainer, incidentally. take into consideration how far better soccer coaches are at their task than politicians. They research. There’s loads of snoozing within the place of work after gazing hours of video game movie. in contrast to the president, as soon as the season begins you won’t locate those men at any place close to a golfing direction. They’re exquisitely pushed and feature to be the simplest simply because they’re competing with the simplest. If a trainer is going four-and-twelve, he’s out. then you definately have politicians who wake up there and say, “At the top of the day there are lots of hardworking those who find themselves trying to find jobs. ” in the meantime the one jobs they’re growing are for themselves. They’re simply campaigning forever. Coaches continue their jobs through being solid at them, now not by means of spending all their time telling everybody they’re going to be stable at them. Coaches get reelected simply because they get effects, now not simply because they promise effects. I don’t care what number playoff or great Bowl appearances you’ve made, you’re regularly a back-to-back six-and-ten season from being shit-canned. finally I’m now not that anxious approximately terrorism. i feel we will be able to deal with it. i would like to give an explanation for whatever to all of the wannabe terrorists interpreting this. We don’t hail from a piece-of-shit state such as you do, the place should you blow up one outhouse the total state ain’t correct for the following 5 years. you're thinking that we predict such as you imagine. yet we don’t. We’re too mammoth and too strong. you can't fuck us up. We’re higher than you, we've got backup plans. Take down the towers and we’re up and working the following week. It’s unlike our charge cards didn’t paintings on 9/12. We don’t pray to Allah 5 instances an afternoon, we visit fucking paintings. we now have brains and now we have books. We don’t devote honor killings or throw acid on ladies for studying to learn. we have now a civil society and therefore an infrastructure which may deal with your shit. So test getting rid of the recent Freedom Tower at floor 0. We’ll construct one other one. And meanwhile we’ll be fueling up the predator drones. VOTER identity legislation I’m regularly accused of being a racist. one of many purposes is simply because i'm. additionally I’m thoroughly for so-called voter suppression. I don’t imagine asking anyone to supply a sound identity on the polls is a hate crime. I take into account that sure, there are going to be extra minorities who can’t produce identity, and certain, the folk pushing this rule are continuously Republicans attempting to continue those who aren’t vote casting for them away, yet those explanations apart, it’s nonetheless a good suggestion. I’m no longer into “big executive” yet I do imagine, post-9/11, a person can be capable of produce a government-issued photograph identity while asked. this is often obligatory. this is often the naked minimal. even if you’re riding a Maserati or a tractor, in case you get pulled over you want to convey it to the cop. What are you able to do with no an identification these days? now not a lot. You can’t get a bank card, you can’t get via airport safeguard, and also you can’t payment a booklet out of the fucking library.

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